My Grandmother was a Whisperer, and now they've Refused to Hold a Funeral Service for her

Question for a priest.

Archpriest Andrei Efanov

My grandmother died. In life, she was a “whisperer” (sorcerer). The priest didn't hold a funeral service for her and didn't even allow me to buy candles at the church. I go to church, and my children and I attend confession and communion. It pains me greatly that now I can't even submit a commemoration note for her at the church. Are there any prayers that can be read for such people? Is it possible to hold a memorial service?

Answered by Archpriest Andrei Efanov, 2014-06-13

I would distinguish two main types of so-called "whisperers." There are people who cast spells out of superstition. They believe that saying certain words in a certain sequence is enough to trigger a particular desired effect. Often, a person doesn't even intend to appeal to any force, believing that the words themselves have the power. Sometimes even the words of prayer are interpreted as a spell, and people who believe in the magic of words seek "special, powerful prayers" to achieve results. There is even a so-called "prayer of opposition"—a classic spell that, through an oversight, has even found its way into some prayer books. The second type of people who practice spells are classic magicians and sorcerers. These people, to a greater or lesser extent, understand that they are turning to demonic help. Of course, this is a far greater sin than superstition. But a person who foolishly or knowingly practices magic is always outside the Church of Christ. That is why the priest refused to perform the funeral service for your relative. All you can do is pray for her at home with the words of the prayer of St. Leo of Optina: Seek, O Lord, the lost soul of Thy servant (name): if it be possible, have mercy. Thy judgments are unfathomable. Do not account this prayer of mine as a sin, but may Thy holy will be done.

Source 

Unwilling to Speak "from himself", a Priest May Remain Silent if God has not Revealed anything to him

From a conversation with Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh.

Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh (1914 - 04.08.2003)

There are two examples from the life of Saint Ambrose of Optina that illustrate this. Twice, merchants from neighboring towns came to him for confession, confessed, had a long conversation with him, revealed their entire lives and souls, and waited for an answer. He told them, "I will pray and then I will answer."

And a day later, then another, then a third, in each case, the confessed person would come and say, "I need to go back to the city; why are you silent?" And two times Ambrose of Optina said, "I've been praying to the Mother of God these three days, asking her to reveal to me what to say. She is silent. What can I say?"

And you must respect this when you come to confession. A priest may say, "I can't tell you anything."

And here we shouldn't think, "Well, he doesn't care about me! I opened my whole soul to him, I brought the whole tragedy of my life, and he tells me, 'Well, go away now in peace. I'll give you a prayer of absolution and that's enough for you!'" This is not true. This means the priest responsibly refuses to say anything that isn't rooted in God, in prayer, in communication.

We must remember this, because it happens. If a priest is truly thoughtful and serious, then this must happen, because fabricating an answer is a crime.

Source 

In a Passionate State, Tears should not be Trusted

Venerable Macarius of Optina. "Edifying Teachings" (from letters).

Venerable Macarius of Optina (1788-1860)

You inform me... that you are now deeply distressed about your former life and even weep and sob. We must weep; true repentance requires weeping, and much weeping; but tears, in a passionate state, should not be trusted as correct.

St. John Climacus in the 7th Step says: do not trust the sources of your tears before complete cleansing from the passions. And again, in the same Step: "When we see anger and pride in those who think they weep for God, then such tears must be considered incorrect, for what communion has light with darkness?" This saint says in the same place that novices have tears for many and varied reasons: from nature, from unjust sorrow, from vanity, from the demon of fornication, and from other causes. He advises examining such tears with the fear of God and purifying them with the memory of our departure from this life, in order to acquire pure and undefiled tears, in which there is no loss due to arrogance, but rather a cleansing, washing clean of sin. Moreover, one must always remember the words of this same saint, spoken by him in the same Step: "Great is the malice of our enemies; they make the mother of virtues the stuff of passions, and turn the self-reproach of humility into a pretext for pride" (V, 447, 757-758).

You write about N. N.'s constant prayer and other matters; one must find out if she has a secret high opinion of herself due to this, and that is why her infirmities are increasing. One must pray to the Lord not to allow to fall into delusion (VI, 57, 92).

Source 

Pride Combined with Prayer can even Lead to Mental Disorders

Archimandrite Sergius (Shevich) (1903 – 25.07.1987)

S. Devyatova. "Elders and Ascetics of the 20th-21st Centuries. Biographies, Memories of Contemporaries, Teachings, Feats and Miracles, Prayers."

Archimandrite Sergius (Shevich) (1903 – 1987).

The practice of the Jesus Prayer requires the guidance of an experienced spiritual father... "For someone who prays a lot, there is a great risk of falling into delusion," said Elder Sergius. The spiritual father to whom one should turn should not be a fellow practitioner (and certainly not an adherent of prayer "techniques"), but one who has navigated all the pitfalls and has been granted the gift of discernment from God. He can thereby reliably determine which prayerful states are emotional and which are spiritual, which are from God and which are from the evil one...

The slightest pride combined with prayer leads to deviations and even mental disorders. In this regard, Elder Sergius used to repeat that the practice of prayer is incompatible with passions, and that anyone who prays while, for example, in a state of pride or impurity, is running toward their own catastrophe...

Source 

Freedom is Given by God to those who Cut out their Own Will

Saint Silouan the Athonite (1866 - 24.9.1938)

Saint Silouan the Athonite.

We all suffer on earth and seek freedom, but few know what freedom is, where it is.

And I, too, desire freedom, and I seek it day and night... I have come to know that it is with God, and from God it is given to humble hearts who have repented and cut out their will before Him. To the repentant, the Lord gives His peace and the freedom to love Him. And there is nothing better in the world than to love God and one's neighbor. In this, the soul finds peace and joy.

Source 

With what Attitude toward Pride should one Deliver Sermons?

Elder Paisios of the Holy Mountain (1924 – 12.7.1994)

Elder Paisios the Athonite. "Words." Vol. 5.

Only humble thoughts bring humility, and only humility makes pride go away. One preacher told me that he once prepared a very good sermon. He ascended the pulpit and began to speak, speaking very beautifully. Suddenly, a proud thought flashed through his mind, and he lost his train of thought. He burst into tears and descended from the pulpit, disgraced. Afterward, he was unable to deliver sermons for a long time—he had become ineffective. I said to him: “This happened to you because of pride. You became arrogant, and therefore the Grace of God departed. Now, start all over again with humility. When the time comes to ascend the pulpit, tell yourself: “If I lose my train of thought, it means that for spiritual benefit I must again become a laughingstock.” And if you suddenly begin to weep again, people will think you are crying from tenderness, and they will not be offended, but will benefit. So do not be afraid.” And indeed, he returned to his work and began to deliver sermons with humility, always prepared for humiliation.

Source