Death Agony of a Monk Who Concealed the Sins He Committed as a Layman

Archimandrite Ephraim of Arizona (1928-2019). From the "Homily on Remembrance of Death".

Elder Ephraim of Arizona (1928-2019)

When we for the first time founded our fraternity in the New Skete, something happened to an elder of the Skete, both frightening and beneficial for all of us. Of course, the older fathers can remember that.

This elder had heart disease, therefore he should have a special sort of remembrance of the death. But, alas, the temptation overcame him and did not allow him to confess some sins related to his secular life when he was still a layman. When he felt very ill and realized that he is close to death, he send his brother, also a monk, to see me. His brother told me that the sick man was dying of impatience and was looking forward to see me. He is in need of consolation as he is being tortured by thoughts of his soul going to perish.

I was surprised, of course, that he told me that he had lost his patience, because I know that the monks are somewhat patient in temptation, in sickness and other labours. We went to his cell.

When I saw this elder I realize that it was not the problem of him being impatient. His bed was surrounded by demons. After we were left alone with the sick man, I asked him if he could see the evil spirits. He nodded. His face was distorted with anger, he was looking on the left and right and trying to protect himself with his arms. He behaved as if he was attacked by a pack of rabid dogs struggling with all his might.

I raised my voice to distract him from the demons and asked him what the demons were telling him. ‘Alas! What they are telling me… I dare not to say that.’

Elder John on Accusation in Vainglory

Letters of Valaam elder John (Alexeev)

15.11.1954

New Valamo

Letter 118

Schema-hegumen John (Alexeev)

Honoured in Christ N.

I have received your letter, and you are rebuking me for having vainglory, saying that I write letters because of my vainglory.

I am very surprised myself why I started corresponding merely by chance with different people. Certainly, the reason is that I am a priest and a spiritual advisor. Some of my spiritual children asked me different questions, and I, in my madness, answered their questions, saying what I had in my heart; I never had an idea to publish my letters. There were some people asking me for my agreement to publish my letters and I agreed with their proposal. I said: ‘If you have found something useful, God bless you, you may collect my letters. I gave them the addresses of my correspondence.’

I cannot say that I have no vainglory. This is a sophisticated passion, mixing with every virtue, attacking even Saints, sticking even on them. However, they are so afraid of this impudent passion that consider it as spraying tar on white clothes.

This insane passion can be noticed only in case of very attentive spiritual life. If one guards one’s heart with prayer, he will see the vainglory thought attacking his heart. O insane vainglory, you like to show off your works so much! Sometimes you work even more to make people see them and praise you. The work of a vainglorious man are in vain: fasting, prostrations and other bodily works, because he is doing than for his one glory. However, Our Lord commands to do everything in secret, and rebukes the Pharisees for their vainglorious behaviour.

Beware of Spiritual Deception

St. Theophan the Recluse, "Letters".

St. Theophan the Recluse

Beware of spiritual deception! You really have to. But avoid the cornerstone spiritual deception and the others will not take place. The cornerstone spiritual deception is to think and even to feel (which is much worse) that I am something meanwhile I am nothing. I call that ‘self-value’. Do pay great attention to it, may this ‘self-value’ became your worst foe. Do not let this foe settle in, otherways, it will lead you to perish. That is an Apostolic lesson: For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself (Gal 6:3).

https://oprelesti.ru/index.php/how-to-avoid-or-get-rid-of-spiritual-delusion/948-beware-of-spiritual-deception

Do not Keep the Attention in your Head During Prayer

Letters of Valaam Elder Hegumen John (Alexeev). Letter 303.

19.2.1950

Most God-loving M.N.!

Schema-hegumen John (Alexeev)

Christ is in our midst.

Sorry for my silence, for although I do not write to you, I always keep you and H. in my prayers. May God help you to lead your life in peace and agreement, as the Holy Apostle said: “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” [1] Both patience and humility are needed to live together in peace: and, as we do not have these virtues, we think that other people are to blame, not ourselves. But we should at least take care not to bear grudges against people, otherwise the prayer will not succeed.

You have mentioned Philokalia, volume 5, page 370. It seems that it is clearly explained, one must only read with attention; in other words, one can say: enclose your mind in the words of the prayer, and, if your thoughts become distracted, do not slow down, but continue praying, trying to ward the thoughts off. You know already from your own experience not to keep the attention in your head. To your knowledge, the Holy Fathers did not write by mind but by feeling; what they had experienced, the same things they wrote down in their books, and, therefore, it is only by experience that we can understand their writings. As the rope of our life is too short, we cannot get this living spiritual water directly from the deep well from which they drew. One has to use their books in this way: put into the treasury of your heart the things that you understand, omit the things we do not understand.

Here we are in the time of the Lent, congratulations on the Holy Quadragesima, may Lord help you to live it in Christian piety and to reach the Bright Resurrection of Christ.

Lord in His mercy may help you in your works, may Lord keep you.

Wishing you all that is good, your partner in prayer,

Most sinful Schema-Hegumen John

[1] Gal 6:2

https://oprelesti.ru/index.php/what-is-spiritual-delusion/924-about-attention-during-prayer

How the Elders Used to Heal Mental Derangement

St Ignatius (Brianchaninov), ‘Otechnik’ (a collection of sayings from the Holy Fathers)

One Elder told this story: ‘Our fathers used to visit the cells of novices, who had just started the life of recluses, watching if anybody went mentally deranged because of demonic attacks. Should they found somebody affected, they brought him to the church, put the chalice with the holy water and prayed for the brother who got into temptation. After that all the brethren washed their hands in the water and poured this water on the brother that fell into temptation, and the same moment he was clear of the impression made by the temptation.’

https://oprelesti.ru/index.php/how-to-avoid-or-get-rid-of-spiritual-delusion/923-how-the-elders-used-to-heal-mental-derangement

How St Vassian Delivered the Merchant from Spiritual Deception

 From the Vita of St Vassian the Blind (Balashevitch) (1745 - 1827)

One day a merchant who was not only a businessman but also took some part in ascetic exercises went to the Kiev Monastery of the Caves. The merchant was especially proud of his fetters of about sixteen kilograms, which he was wearing permanently, and used any occasion to boast of it. At his arrival to the monastery, the merchant went to the Elder Babylas [the previous name of the elder, in the lesser schema tonsure] who began to gain authority, in order to get some encouragement and take more exercise in his ascetical practice. The Elder met the merchant and smiled, asking:  ‘Is the yoke of Christ easy for you?’ ‘Oh yes, answered the merchant, I would like even more of it!’ ‘Lucky you,’ said Fr Babylas, ‘for I’m an old man and can hardly carry the yoke of Christ. Go in peace.’ Then he blessed the merchant and went to his cell. In a minute time, the merchant started running about the Lavra screaming that his fetters are as hot as fire. After a long while, a blacksmith found managed to take off the fetters. So Father Babylas delivered the pseudo-ascetic from demonic deception of exaltation and pride.

https://oprelesti.ru/index.php/how-to-avoid-or-get-rid-of-spiritual-delusion/922-how-st-vassian-delivered-the-merchant-from-spiritual-deception

Beware of Carnal Zeal

St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov). "On Prelest". About Animal and Spiritual Zeal.

St. Ignatius (Brianchaninov)

A monk must surely beware of carnal and animal zeal, which appears pious outwardly but in reality is irrational and bringing harm to the soul. Wordly people and many monks, in their ignorance and inexperience, often praise such zeal without understanding that it springs from conceit and pride. They praise this zeal as zeal for the faith, for piety, for the Church, for God. It consists in a more or less strong condemnation and criticism of one's neighbours in their moral faults, and in faults against church orders.

Deceived by a wrong conception of zeal, these impudent zealots think that by yielding themselves to it they are imitating the Holy Fathers and holy martyrs, forgetting that they, i.e. the zealots - are not saints, but sinners.

If the saints accused or convicted those who were living in sin or heresy, they did so at the command of God, as their duty, by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, not at the instigation of their passion and demons. Whoever decides of his own self-will to convict his brother or make some reprimand, clearly betrays and proves that he considers himself more prudent and virtuous than the person he blames, and that he is acting at the instigation of passion and deception and diabolic thoughts.

We need to remember the Saviour's injuction: "Why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye" (Mat.7:3-5)

Recompense is Given, not for Labour, but for Humility

Letters of schema-hegumen John (Alexeev)

Letter 100

Schema-hegumen John (Alexeev)

7.6.1954

The most God-loving handmaid of God T.

I wrote you about the way to accomplish your prayer rule in your family life, but now I am writing you about spiritual life.

St. Agathon said: ‘Spiritual life is like a tree: bodily labours, (podvig) are leaves, and spiritual deeds are fruits’. The Holy Scripture says: every tree which bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire (Matt.3,10). Generally speaking, asceticism is not a virtue by itself but a tool to reach the virtue. If there are not the fruits: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance (Gal 5, 22), the physical ascetic deeds are in vain. St. Barsonuphius the Great said: ‘if the inner work does not come to our assistance after God, then one is laboring in vain on the outward self.’ Not many at all are familiar with spiritual life and got stuck at the letter that kills the spirit such as: ‘touch not; taste not; handle not’ (Col 2, 21)

St Maximus the Confessor said: ‘Do not exercise much on the outer work but bring all your strengths to do the inner work’. St John of the Ladder says: ‘The present generation is seriously corrupt and all full of pride and hypocrisy. In bodily labours it perhaps reaches the level of our ancient Fathers, but it is not graced with their gifts, though I think nature never had such need of spiritual gifts as now. And we have got what we deserve. For God is manifested not in labours but in simplicity and humility’. St Isaac the Syrian says: ‘If you practice an excellent virtue without perceiving the taste of its aid, do not marvel; for until a man becomes humble, he will not receive a reward for his labour. Recompense is given, not for labour, but for humility’.