How to Confess?

Bishop Panteleimon (Shatov), Chairman of the Synodal Department of Church Charity and Social Service.

Bishop Panteleimon (Shatov)

At confession, you need to repent, listing your sins. Sometimes, coming to confession, people begin to tell something like the following: “I came home yesterday, my husband met me, he, as always, was drunk, I reproved him and he began to shout at me, I got angry and hit him in his face. I, of course, did the wrong thing. But what could I do?..” This is not a confession. The confession should be a repentance, and not a story about your life, and, moreover, with an attempt to justify your sins.

Although there are people who, by their simplicity, do not know how to repent in any other way. And, of course, their confessor will accept their confession in this form, but nevertheless it would be more correct to say this: “I am angry, I am very irritable; when my husband misbehaved, I got angry, hit him in the face. I am very sorry about this, I repent. I asked him for forgiveness and I promise God that I will never do this again.” This is how, it seems to me, the correct confession will sound.

Often people write a lot in their notes, they tell too much about something, it is not entirely correct. There is an opposite thing, also wrong, when a person simply lists his sins in separate words: “I sinned with vanity, despondency, irritation ...” “I broke my fast, I had bad thoughts,” the children say “I misbehaved...” What does “vanity” mean? What does irritation mean? What do bad thoughts mean? What do you mean saying “misbehaved”? We should not speak in general terms about the passion that works in you, it works in everyone, but about how this passion manifests itself in you. For example, it would be more correct to say not “I was annoyed with my daughter,” but “I humiliated my daughter, called her with bad words, hit her ...” Or, for example, pride... How does it manifest itself, your pride? You humiliate other people, look down on everyone, you are rude to someone, wanting to humiliate him? That is, confession should not be a detailed story of all the circumstances of a particular case, but should be repentance for specific sins, but, on the other hand, these sins should not be designated by one word.

It is Better to Deal with Bodily Impurities than with Pride

From the letters of the Venerable elder Leo of Optina.

St. Leo of Optina

We will not be afraid if we have to struggle after the confession

We will not be afraid, if we have to struggle after the confession, it is better to deal with bodily impurities than with pride, and although we fall in the battle, we should not leave the battle field: then we have much more need for a doctor.

Fear of God force us to confess sins

You are worried most of all and you reproach yourself that you care more about pleasing the mentors than God, that the thought that you should confess every sin to me holds you back more than the fear of angering the Lord. These thoughts lead you to self-assurance. Don’t you do this because of fear of God, when you repent of your sins before God, having as a witness His servant, who was entrusted the keys to bind and loose. St. John Climacus in the 4th step writes: “By resolving to make one’s confession, the soul is thereby held from sinning as by a bridle; for we do not confess our crimes to henceforth shamelessly repeat the manifested ulcers, as if in the darkness, not to make them set on the bitter, but healed, this opinion is contrary to yours.” Therefore, you clean yourself of passions and sins, you do not lose anything, but you gain piety and peace of conscience, not thinking that by yourself, but by the prayers of others you received this, while many who walked the high path fell with a great fall. Think, do you refrain from sins fearing me? I'm not a reader of the heart. If you hide anything from me, I will not call you to account and denounce you, and you have nothing to fear from me. From this you see that the fear of God compels you to confess your sins, and, consequently, to refrain from them, and not the fear of me. You see yourself prone to arrogance – try to reject self-assurance as much as possible, and rejecting this thought that disturbs you completely, please be peaceful and calm.

The Holy Fathers commanded those new in the faith to generally confess all their sins from their youth

But in order for you to foresee faults and to protect yourself and those who follow your wise admonition, you deign to ask our wickedness with a true sincerity about the previous bad impulses; although they were confessed to confessors, the burden of conscience is not alleviated, but you are burdened and embarrassed, i.e. you are not contented as you should, and it is evident that the confessor, who confessed you, was not very skillful. And therefore the holy spirit-bearing fathers commanded those new in the faith and wishing to adopt the monastic angelic life to confess all their sins in general from youth and, thus, purify their conscience and soul, and lay a new foundation, i.e. having cleansed themselves and relieved from such a burden, easily accept the obedience. - So I, sinful, advise your love to ask and pray to the Most Merciful Lord and God, so that by His providence He would send you such a spiritual father, to whom you could confess all your sins from youth to this age and who could instill in you the importance of them. Although we are now unable to satisfy them with penance, at least we must satisfy with repentance and tears, so that we will propitiate the Merciful Lord to relieve us from the burden and grant us courage and strength to resist the universal enemy, the devil. When the Lord, in response to your faith and diligence, grants you such a spiritual father and you do as written above, then you will see peace within your soul, and joy of the heart, and tenderness, comforting you with invaluable comfort.

http://oprelesti.ru/index.php/how-to-prepare-for-confession/865-the-venerable-leo-of-optina-on-confession

Father Anthony Knew How to Make a Person Want Pure Confession

From the biography of the Venerable Anthony of Optina.

St. Anthony of Optina

Anthony of Optina imperceptibly led everyone to getting conscious of their spiritual weaknesses. So once, someone repented before him in some sins, and kept silence about others. Anthony of Optina did not denounce the incompleteness of repentance, but, on the contrary, told the repentant that with his repentance he had pleased the Angels in heaven, and with these words great contrition and zeal for the perfect cleansing of conscience aroused in this man.

“When you ask someone,” said Anthony of Optina, “then you receive benefits according to the measure of faith: whoever comes with little faith, receives little benefit, and who comes with great faith – gets a great benefit. It happened to me at first to ask the elder, as if tempting: “What will he say to this?” Well, the answers were corresponding. And if you put it in your heart that you will hear the answer of God himself from the elder, then God will notify, and a completely different person will appear, and you will hear what you do not expect.” To some visitors, Anthony spoke about their circumstances in hints, and to simple people who accepted his words with simplicity of heart and with faith, he spoke directly and simply. If someone had already proved his sincerity and devotion by a long-term spiritual relationship, he sometimes even called for an explanation. It happened that one of his spiritual children, disturbed by a thought, revealed it to him not in the course of the confession, but in a simple conversation, narratively; then the elder himself resumed the conversation about this, and calmed down only when everything had been properly confessed. And in conclusion he would say: “Now it’s good; otherwise you show the shell, but you do not show the grain itself”. It also happened that he reminded some of those who referred to him about the cases, which they never revealed not only to him, but forgot about themselves; or commanded to pray for some sin, of which they were not aware in themselves, and did not understand at all, or did not consider it a sin, and after some time, with a careful review of their life, they discovered in themselves with a surprise what the elder had indicated. But the elder did this to those whose sincerity he tested, and when it was clear to him that they were hiding this or that, not because of stubbornness or lack of frankness, but precisely because of ignorance. In other cases, with extraordinary patience, he waited until the person himself came to his senses and consciousness; because only then spiritual healing is effective. Also, when the remarks made out of paternal love and care were not taken in the way it should have been, then he refrained from such remarks; and if he did not have the opportunity to influence on somebody with the word, he tried to bring to goodness by secretly praying for such person.

http://oprelesti.ru/index.php/concealment-of-sins-in-confession/868-father-anthony-knew-how-to-make-a-person-want-pure-confession

About Pseudo-eldership

Hegumen Nektariy (Morozov). Pseudo-eldership: where does it come from and how not to get caught by it?

Not to replace the Lord

Hegumen Nektariy (Morozov)

Spiritual guidance is one of the most challenging tasks for a priest. Therefore, both he himself and the person who comes to him for advice should always remember about precautionary measures. It is even difficult to say for whom they are more important.

Each of us, priests, should very well understand our own spiritual level and be aware of our personal Christian and human imperfection. Then we realize how careful we need to be in all our actions in relation to those people who expect from us a word about God and instruction in following Him.

After all, the priest will give an answer to the Lord not only for himself, but also for those whom God himself has entrusted to him, and sometimes even a stricter answer. Putting a stone in an outstretched hand instead of bread or giving a snake instead of a fish is very scary!

As for the person who follows the advice of this or that priest, he probably needs to look first of all at how much the priest trusts himself.

If in some difficult life situation or in some difficult spiritual issue, he says: “Look, this is what the Lord, the holy fathers, said about this in the Gospel. Let's figure out together how you should act in this situation.” Or he suggests doing this and that, but not because this is his pastoral opinion, but because the whole law of spiritual life tells it.

The priest does not reveal any secrets to the believer who turns to him, but simply turns him to face the law of God. The person himself does not want to look into the eyes of his own conscience, to peer into his own heart, and the priest helps him to do this. But the shepherd cannot do something instead of someone.